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Fortune Favors The Bold: An Eventual Novel ([info]fortunefavors) wrote,
@ 2007-11-21 16:31:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:chapters

Chapter Three of 'Fortune Favors the Bold'
Sorry for the long delay; I've had other writing projects occupying my attention.



Chapter Three

Calesto came out of the forest like a trout exploding out of a stream. So Joro had told him often enough; so he ended up believing. He wouldn’t have believed just anyone who made the comparison, but Joro was a friend.

Sometimes.

Calesto turned to make sure his friend was still behind him. Joro, who had a brace of squirrels slung over one shoulder and a pair of pigeons hanging from his belt, waved him on ahead. Calesto nodded and began to run.

He had been able to hear the excitement from Tristone when the wind turned in a certain direction, but he and Joro were in the middle of stalking the squirrels at the time and couldn’t return. Now he was determined to know what had happened in the town in his absence. If important events would only halt until he could get there, he would like them much better.

He rounded the sentry boulder at a lope—taking the time to note briefly and disgustedly that the sentry didn’t stand there anymore—and leaped one of the stubborn clumps of brush that he’d spent the summer hacking at and which always rose again. Now he could hear sounds that definitely weren’t human or horse or chicken. He identified them a moment later as donkeys. And then the side of a gaily-colored wagon came into view, and Calesto stopped, staring.

The Wanderers had come back? But he had been sure, from his reading of the stars, that it would be next year.

So he did not know the stars as well as he thought he did. Or the Wanderers had slipped loose of the nets of the future, as they were fond of doing, and intruded where they should not have.

Cautious now, his head lifted like a deer’s, Calesto edged into the town. It seemed that the Wanderers were encamped on the Festival Ground, the square of grass and small trees usually reserved for dances—and weddings, like the one his Hala was to have with Joro tomorrow. But how would they hold the wedding with wagons in place and donkeys dropping great clumps of dung everywhere? Calesto wondered sometimes if he was the only one who thought of these things.

Of course, many of the people of Tristone lingered around the wagons, watching the Wanderers with greedy eyes. They would be glad just to see strangers. Calesto did not understand the attitude, but he could tolerate it. It was the specific people lingering near the wagons that made him frown.

Hala, her face full of wonder, waited near the wagon in the lead, which was woven of flexible wooden planks and painted half-purple and half-gold. She cradled a cut stone in her hands that flashed purple as the wagon when Calesto glimpsed it. She was speaking, quietly, with a young Wanderer woman who had hair so tangled it resembled a squirrel’s tail.

Calesto clenched his teeth. Hala was supposed to spend the day alone. And since he knew she had troubles, and of what kind they were, why was she here, instead of trying to solve them? Surely she wasn’t looking to the magic-workers for deadly poisons that would kill her unborn child? There was acceptable magic, the magic of stars and sun and wind, and then there was the fascination that the nomads brewed over their fires and in their dances, transfixing as the way of a bird with a snake. Hala should not be looking to that.

She should have come to him. He would have helped her, if only she had made the effort to speak up.

She turned, and caught sight of him. At once she stood straighter, but her shoulders hunched, and her face had no expression. Calesto nodded a little. Perhaps the sight of someone she knew would be concerned in the child’s fate had erased her intentions to seek help of the Wanderers.

The Wanderer woman looked at him with casual lightness, as if she were a bear and he were a squirrel. Then she put an arm around Hala’s shoulders and leaned towards her to murmur something. Hala flushed so brightly it hurt Calesto’s eyes and muttered something in return.

Calesto felt his defenses and his irritation both rise like the quills of a porcupine. Where was Hala’s father? Galdane should be here, both to welcome the Wanderers officially to the village and to defend his daughter. Calesto lamented that the duty should fall on him, when he had never wanted it.

“What is your name?” he asked the woman, who faced him now. His opinion of her age wavered like snowfall in a strong wind. She had an old, seamed face, probably from peering into the ravages of storm and sun, but her eyes laughed like a three-year-old’s. That contrasted strangely with the hand she laid on Hala’s arm, of course. Calesto stood taller. If the stranger sought to play games with him, she would be defeated, but it would be best if he could stop her from playing games altogether. Calesto preferred it when people acted directly and spoke directly and did not dance about.

The Wanderer woman regarded him in silence, then said, “Laiskaiss.” The name whistled and clicked like tossed bones.

Calesto did not try to repeat the name, as he knew he would only embarrass himself. “Do you have the slightest idea why your people have come here, Laiskaiss?” he asked. If she were with Hala, the mayor’s daughter, she must be their leader, or perhaps the daughter or sister of their leader. She would have official sanction. He doubted she would answer the question he had just asked her outright, but he might be able to learn something from her reaction.

Laiskaiss only blinked at him.

*

“I told you,” Zhossith’s voice whispered from her pocket, so soft that Laiskaiss was very nearly certain no one else could hear it. “I told you that they understood power. He thinks you do, as well.”

Laiskaiss relaxed a little. She did not completely understand what the stranger was babbling about, or why he stared at her hand on Hala’s arm as if it were a brand. Hala did not wear the ring that Tristone’s people used to signify marriage, so he could not be her husband. And he was not old enough to be her father, and he did not look enough like her to be her brother. So what was it to him where Hala stood, or whom she took as lover?

But he thought she was someone who understood power, too. Perhaps the leader of the People. Laiskaiss could not gratify the desire he seemed to have to know the leader; if and when Molisstath spoke with him, it would be of her choice.

But she could act as if she understood power. And a few lies were always necessary when dealing with the people of Tristone, as her mother had taught her.

“We have come here to trade,” she said, and let her voice lilt and wander like the tones of a flute, while her eyes got wider and wider. “We have come here to entertain. We have come here because the snows will venture near soon, and we do not have the food to survive it yet. Do you know why your people have settled here, man?”

The stranger simply stared at her some more. He was as handsome as Laiskaiss ever found a man, with dark eyes like pools of water hidden under autumn leaves and brown hair gently rippled with bronze. But he was not handsome enough to earn any indulgence from her.

“I want to know the real reason you have come,” he said. And then he turned and attacked Hala, whom he seemed to have sensed was relaxing next to Laiskaiss. “Why are you with them, instead of with your father? He should have been the one to welcome them, not you. You overstep your bounds.”

Hala visibly flinched, bowing her head like a rabbit struggling to fight free of a snare. Laiskaiss decided, quietly, that she did not like this man.

“Her father is old, and gave her leave to come here in his place,” said Laiskaiss. “Strange that you have not gone by his house to know that already. Who are you, to come here and question us?”

The man flung his head back and stared at her. Laiskaiss looked back, wondering what would happen next and conscious of a pleasant humming excitement in her veins. The conflict would not spread far, because the rest of the people of Tristone had welcomed them, and no one had seen anything strange in Hala standing within the circle of her embrace. She had the chance to humiliate someone who believed himself above her. That was always fun.

And then her mother came around the corner of the wagon and destroyed it all.

Molisstath walked heavily, but so carefully that her feet did not raise heavy puffs of sand or echoes when they struck. She came to a halt behind the man, looking at him with her face bare as a river-washed stone. Laiskaiss turned her eyes away, and was grateful that Hala did not seem in the mood to speak.

“My name is Calesto,” the man said. He had not seen her mother, and Laiskaiss was certain he would not understand the danger even if he had. Did the plant growing in the path understand the wagon wheel that suddenly crushed it down? “I have some pretensions to being Hala’s friend and Galdane’s confidant. I could make things unpleasant for you if you wish to stay here.”

“And then, you would find yourself coldly breathed upon,” Molisstath said.

Calesto leaped in the air and whirled around. Laiskaiss hid a smile behind her hand. Now he resembled a rabbit, and she preferred that to his frightening Hala the way he had.

“I do not understand your meaning,” he said. His face was malleable, Laiskaiss saw, anger and frustration already replacing the fear. He looked at Molisstath with insulting quickness, as if he could comprehend all of her in one glance. “Is that a term for Wanderer magic?”

“It is a term for what will happen if you interfere too much with my daughter’s happiness.” Molisstath laid one hand on the thick plait of iron-gray hair that hung past her shoulder. Her face remained blank. Her eyes were watchful, but they always were. Only long experience let Laiskaiss know that her mother was evaluating Calesto on several different levels, seeing how good a fighter he might be, what power of the tongue he could wield, and whether he knew anything of gift-giving. “As winter breathes upon the grass, so will I breathe on you.”

Calesto rolled his eyes and turned back to face Laiskaiss. That was stupid, since Molisstath was still watching him. “You have no right to handle Hala like that,” he said.

“Why not?” Laiskaiss was surprised. Perhaps customs had changed in Tristone. Perhaps couples no longer wore bands to signal their marriage, and so they were married after all. “Hala?” She glanced at the other woman. Hala was playing rabbit again, though, and it was Calesto who answered.

“She is carrying my child.”

Hala’s head snapped up, and she stared at Calesto for long moments. Then she said, “You knew? And you know the difficulties of the situation I lie in, and you did not offer help to me?”

Calesto looked at her with scorn Laiskaiss had seen before, and hated. It was the way a whole Honulith hunter would look at one who had had his hand taken off by a bear. “I wanted you to ask for it.”

Hala shook her head, wordless, but her eyes were angry. And then, for the first time, she took a step back and leaned against Laiskaiss’s shoulder, instead of allowing herself to rest there. Laiskaiss cocked her head, and Zhossith whispered something like wordless encouragement from her pouch.

“You have no right and no claim to me,” Hala said. “I am not married yet. My father has said that I may be with these people.” She did not make it sound quite as if she considered the People the equals of the humans of Tristone, but it was more an effort than Laiskaiss had heard the others make. “And if you knew I carried your child, knew what problems that created for me, and yet did not offer to ease my burden, then I have nothing to say to you.” She turned her back on Calesto.

A small smile rose and worked along the edge of Molisstath’s mouth. Laiskaiss saw no need to be so restrained, and burst out laughing.

Calesto’s eyes had the mad look of a bear harried by wolves now. He did not know precisely what had happened, but he knew he did not like it.

*

Calesto pinched his lips together and stood in silence until the impulse to speak aloud had passed. He had revealed one thing he had not meant to already, that he knew Hala was pregnant and the child she carried his; most people, even he, could have thought it Joro’s. He would not reveal more. He had been too patient, had spent too much time reading the stars, to lose it all now on a simple blurt.

So he took several deep breaths, and whirled away to stride back into Tristone. He would find Galdane and force him to confirm Hala’s story. It was possible she spoke the truth, of course, and her father really had granted her permission to be among the Wanderers. He was an old man with his mind more and more continually locked in thoughts of the past, especially the promise he had made his dead wife, and he did not always think on what he was saying.

But where one young person can speak persuasively to change an old man’s mind, another can speak persuasively to change it back.

He could not allow the star-designs to be ruined. The conception of Hala’s child and its eventual birth were important steps in the control of the future, to ensure that more moral improvements would happen to Tristone than otherwise. Calesto was not stupid enough to think he was a perfectly good person, and neither would his son or daughter be. But he could help teach that child, and that child could teach others, and slowly, they would make the necessary changes. The Wanderers could not be allowed to corrupt his child’s mother even before its birth.

By the time he reached Galdane’s house, Calesto was walking calmly. He put up a fist and knocked hard at the door, since he knew the mayor was often half-dozing at this time of day. Silence pressed in on him, comforting, giving him more time to plan, before Galdane called feebly and invited him inside.




(Post a new comment)


(Anonymous)
2007-11-21 09:48 pm UTC (link)
Calesto did not try to repeat the name, as he knew he would only embarrass himself. “Do you have the slightest idea why your people have come here, Laiskaiss?” he asked.

This doesn't seem to make sense - you say he won't try to say the name, and then he does.

Otherwise, it's great, and I look forward to reading more.

~ cesy @ LJ

(Reply to this)


[info]thatter_hunn
2007-11-21 11:22 pm UTC (link)
The best chapter so far, I think. The one thing that didn't make sense was when Calesto wouldn't try to say "Laiskaiss" and then does. Still, a magnificent chapter.

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2007-11-22 02:41 pm UTC (link)
I like how the differant viewpoint characters change the tone of the writing, is v. good.

(Reply to this)


[info]millenium_king
2007-11-26 09:16 pm UTC (link)
"Calesto did not try to repeat the name, as he knew he would only embarrass himself. “Do you have the slightest idea why your people have come here, Laiskaiss?” he asked."

For a man who is "simple and direct" this is not simple and direct. Why not just say "Why are you here?"

I had a lot of trouble believing the People's entry into Tristone. Here is a breakdown:

1) Calesto is a hunter. He would not be surprised by an old womman with plodding footsteps, long noisy hair and probably noisy, tribal jewelry coming up from behind him.

2) The smug, arrogant and superior attitudes affected by Laiskais and her mother seem like a poor choice to me. This guy identifies himself as a confidant of the mayor and someone with some authority. They would not just make threats against him offhandedly. That is a recepie for expulsion from the the town. I understand that they just wowed the people with tricks, but some of those people probably know Calesto (especially in a small town) and would side with him first - and not with some strangers who enter with threats.

3) I was blown away by this guy's utter stupidity when he blurted out his knowledge of Hala's pregnancy. I cannot imagine someone confessing a secret so deep and dark to a total stranger. Also, why does he feel Laiskais has any designs on Hala? She is a woman and even though she has her hand on Hala's arm, he would not naturally see her as a romantic rival.

4) Hala is pretty gung-ho about the whole lesbian thing, it might be a good idea to indicate somehow just how the Tristone villagers view homosexuality. If it is regarded as "unnatural" or "perverse" I imagine that Calesto may not even consider it a motive for Laiskais.

5) I am pretty sure you ranted and raved at great length against "author's darlings" which is, I am sad to say, exactly what Laiskais seems to be. She is instantly loved, makes clumsy statements that are supposed to be "clever" and the other characters react only with open-mouthed, gaping silence. I cannot for an instant believe that anyone besides a total simpering idiot would be overwhelmed by "I will breathe on you coldly" and just blurt out his darkest secret and then leave in a pouting silence. I would imagine a man defending the mother of his child would react a bit more dramatically.

6) I am glad that some of your characters realized this, but where the heck is the mayor? He knows the People are coming, why doesn't he greet the strangers? If he is in the habit of being regularly incompetent, I imagine he would not be mayor very long.

7) Although this village is small, it does have an official mayor and so it stands to reason that it must have an official "police" force. Strangers might be greeted by guards or soldiers rather than the peasantry. Also, the presence of a mayor implies that Tristone is connected to a larger orginization - a nation or empire. Thus, I have even more difficulty understanding how Hala's mother thinks she can threaten them with impunity. At the very least, she might find her people expelled from ALL villages within the empire. At worst, soldiers would hunt them down like dogs.

Finally, the purple is back again with a vengeance. No one just does anything - everyone does it like something else. Calesto does not just raise his head, he "raises his head like a deer" etc. There are plenty of other examples. Metaphors should be used, like all things, only when neccessary. I realize that you are trying to "create a sense of culture" but the truth of the matter is that they tell us very little about the villagers' culture. In fact, on the whole, we know very little about it at all. A more telling example would be saying what type of weapons the hunters used, explaining their dress, the make-up of their houses, do they have chimneys, bricks, thatch, steel weapons etc.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

I know it's been a bit since your critique, but I simply couldn't resist the chance at an argument.
(Anonymous)
2007-12-08 05:33 pm UTC (link)
*pokes to see if you jiggle*

Oops, got distracted there. I'll put my response as bluntly as I can manage. I'll probably fall back into the critique pattern I've followed while critiquing at critters.org, though. Dang, that's not a good way to argue.

1. I believe Calesto was preoccupied. Even people with excellent senses can be surprised when they're preoccupied. It (the tale, in case you didn't know what I was referring to) never says that Laiskaiss' mother is shuffling; she could have been walking on tiptoe, for all we know. It strikes me as likely that she (Laiskaiss' mother, that is) would have been a sometime hunter just as her daughter is. If she's not now, she probably was before. This would suggest that she would know how to walk quietly.

2. Laiskaiss' and her mother's attitudes may indeed be a poor choice--we'll see if they are or not later, I'm sure--but such is their character. One thing Limyaael is doing well is allowing her characters to make decisions that are entirely their own, whether they are bad choices or good.

3. It seemed to me that Calesto was trying to assert power, and perhaps in his village it would give him power. To Laiskaiss and her mother it clearly does not. It may very well have been a stupid thing to say, but then again, you're assuming that their culture is like ours.

4. Now, maybe I was reading incorrectly, but I believe Calesto's assumptions were that Hala was there to get medicine to kill the baby, not that Laiskaiss was going to seduce Hala. That Calesto doesn't care for the wanderers at all is made quite clear, and of course he wouldn't want want the mother of his child around them if he thinks what they do is dark magic.

5. I'll admit that Laiskaiss does seem a little spoiled, but where I saw those around her reacting with open-mouthed, gaping silence, she was putting on a show, the sort of show people are meant to react to in such a way, and usually do. I didn't get the feeling that Calesto was frightened by the threat (though if he truly believes in their dark magic, it could be frightening...all it took was a glance from a suspected witch to blight a crop, according to medeival beliefs), so much as being startled by Laiskaiss' mother's sudden appearance. If Calesto viewed that as his darkest secret, he wouldn't have said it in an attempt to gain power (and I believe it's a secret because he wants the power of it, if I read him right), and while his leaving is certainly at least somewhat of a pout--he obviously lost the first verbal match, in part because their numbers are greater so he can't drag Hala back by force--he's going to make a power play, not to cry in his tent.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

I know it's been a bit since your critique, but I simply couldn't resist the chance at an argument.
(Anonymous)
2007-12-08 05:34 pm UTC (link)
(finishing from above)

6. Wait, the mayor knew the People were coming? I was under the impression that Laiskaiss' entrance was unexpected. Since they apparently view the wanderers as lesser people than the villagers, why would such a greeting even be necessary, as long as trouble was not expected? Indeed, perhaps the duties of a mayor are different in this world. Despite this, I do agree with this to some degree--I would think that regardless of whether or not they knew the wanderers are coming, the mayor would have made an official greeting as soon as they were there, or at least make a point of seeing that the general feeling toward them was not bad. On the other hand, perhaps he did and Limyaael simply chose not to show the scene. If that's so, I would like to see a little more hint of that--something that can be pointed to and have said of it that it he did, we just weren't reading closely enough to see where mention was made of the happening.

7. Mayor may not be the best choice of title for the village leader, as it does imply more of an official government than I seem to be seeing. Nevertheless, the presence of a mayor does not necessarily preclude any of the rest of the organization that you say it should. Not all worlds work like our own.

Perhaps you failed to notice this, but the amound of "purple," as you call it, varies depending upon the point of view. It strikes me as a matter of character. When the narrative is from Laiskaiss' point of view, it tends to be colored with a lot of metaphors; clearly it's the way she thinks. When in Hala's, there are very few; she doesn't think in metaphor. I actually find it rather impressive that Limyaael is able narrate in such disparate voices for the different characters.

I must say that would very much like to see more of what you mentioned in that last sentence--weapons, housing styles, dress, and so on. I get some sense of culture based on what sort of metaphors are used, but I would be able to more thoroughly entrench myself in the world if I could picture the people and where they live.

I'll finish my reply by saying that if you don't care for the work, stop reading it. There are so many books and stories out there that you don't need to inflict one that you don't care for on yourself.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: I know it's been a bit since your critique, but I simply couldn't resist the chance at an argume
(Anonymous)
2007-12-08 05:35 pm UTC (link)
I forgot to mention that I'm duckmole86 on LJ. ;)

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Re: I know it's been a bit since your critique, but I simply couldn't resist the chance at an argume
[info]millenium_king
2007-12-08 06:47 pm UTC (link)
"...he obviously lost the first verbal match, in part because their numbers are greater so he can't drag Hala back by force--he's going to make a power play, not to cry in his tent."

Believe whatever you want, but the bottom line is that Calestro comes across as a bumbling incompetent. That is difficult to argue with. If he is going to be the antagonist to this story, he needs a little more competence than what is shown here. As the story is written, I have no doubt that Laiskais and her little crew won't "defeat" or trick Calestro. He's just too much of an idiot to win.

"When the narrative is from Laiskaiss' point of view, it tends to be colored with a lot of metaphors... when in Hala's, there are very few... I actually find it rather impressive that Limyaael is able narrate in such disparate voices for the different characters."

Really? Or is this just a case of the "author's darling" gets a lot of metaphors and purple prose because she's special? I notice that most of the other members of the People - Hala's mother, her brother etc. - do not think in metaphor NEARLY as much as she does. Where is the cultural explanation there?

"I'll finish my reply by saying that if you don't care for the work, stop reading it. There are so many books and stories out there that you don't need to inflict one that you don't care for on yourself."

I think this is a pretty immature way to look at my comments. Authors do not learn from praise, they learn from people who ruthlessly pick apart their work. I have been amazed that some people instantly become defensive when someone offers a critique. Read back over the posts on all three of the chapters, I am pretty much the only person to offer an analysis of the work. Everyone else is largely responding to me. They defend the author against my "attacks" but do not offer up their own opinions on what is working and what is not in the story outside of the context of what I have already brought to light.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: I know it's been a bit since your critique, but I simply couldn't resist the chance at an argume
(Anonymous)
2008-01-23 06:34 pm UTC (link)
Authors do not learn from praise, they learn from people who ruthlessly pick apart their work

Ruthlessly picking apart an author's work is the job of editors. You are not Socrates, you're just some dude on the internet and nobody will listen to you if you don't present yourself as a rational human being.

Some of your criticisms have been bang on, some of them have been totally arbitrary - like your ranting on about how it is totally unacceptable to use a floating pronoun the use of floating pronouns is totally unacceptable. I for one have actually been *dissuaded* from commenting critically on this piece because I've been so staggered by the inanity of some of your comments.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Thoughts Thus Far
(Anonymous)
2008-01-23 07:05 pm UTC (link)
This hasn't been updated in a while, so I hope it isn't dead.

My thoughts:

I really hope I'm not supposed to like Laisskaiss, because she comes across as being somebody you just want to slap. Another poster has accused her of being an "author's darling" and I'm afraid that she might be headed that way. So far nobody has had a negative reaction to her which didn't stem from their own prejudice.

I'm not a big fan of a lot of your style choices. I find Laisskaiss' sections almost painfully florid. Again if this is deliberate, great, if not I'd consider trimming her down a bit, because at the moment it seems like she can't look at a tree without pausing to consider the way its arcing branches gaily caress the swirling chill of the wind like a playful lover. I get that you're writing from her viewpoint, but you're writing *your* description of her perceptions of things, and just because a character speaks or thinks in a flowery way, that doesn't mean that you have to write about them in a similar manner.

The actual plot seems quite interesting, what I can see of it thus far. I'm generally more interested in Hala than in Laisskaiss, while she seems a bit wet I want to see how she copes with the kid.

I'll be following this closely if there are any more updates.

-- Dan Hemmens

(Reply to this)


(Anonymous)
2009-02-07 08:03 pm UTC (link)
(I realize this is a really late comment... can't help myself though, lol.)

There has been some really harsh critique on this story (overly harsh if you ask me).
Characters, metaphors and plot development aside, it's obvious that the author is skilled with the English language and has put a lot of thought and effort into their creation, and that's why I read all three chapters.
Yet I'm fairly sure they forgot about the reader.

It's not that I didn't appreciate the rich metaphors, names, and their way of speaking. From the first paragraph in Chapter 1, I was able to get a definite feel for their culture and characteristics by the diction alone, and that was really cool. But the sheer amount of metaphors, the vagueness enshrouding the 1st chapter, and the overload of information seriously bogged me down and devalued the writing.

When I say devalued, I mean that I wasn't enjoying what I was reading. I was stumbling over words and sentences, puzzling over the pronunciation of names, and muddling over an over-abundance of information that I didn't really care about yet because I had no idea what was going on. In the end I didn't care about the characters or what was happening with them. I don't think this is a totally subjective statement when I say that readers should be interested and knowledgeable in the basic details of the story by the first few paragraphs. Those beginning paragraphs are like a greeting to a reader, a hand to guide the reader into the story (not a slap on the back and a "see you later, kid").

No matter how well thought out your writing is, you should never forget the readers, because you are writing for them. Why not shift the vague, mysterious tone a few chapters later once the reader is familiar with the setting they are thrust into (or at least introduce the character that will be accompanying the reader from start to finish)? Why is the author's diction as abrupt and mystifying as the characters' dialogue?

Sorry this is so long, I just think a lot of writers should keep this in mind because it happens a lot. :(

(My LJ is rainoneventide, in case anyone wants to yell at me, lol.)

P.S. I still really admire this writer, my critique is not intended to insult!

(Reply to this)



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